The End

Dear Missy Natasha,

I have to say farewell.

Farewell to all the feelings I kept for you all these while.

Farewell to all the dreams, thoughts and desires that resides in me previously.

For I have finally met someone.

Someone who allows me to love her.

Someone who loves me back.

Adieu,
AYNatasha.

Dear Missy Natasha,

It's been quite some time since I've updated this "sad case scenario" blog o'mine.

I dreamed of you sometime last week.

I dreamt of you holding my hand as we descended down an escalator somewhere.

You were smiling to me, genuinely.

Then, a few days later I dreamt about you again.

I was at your home, I was talking with you, whilst your mum was sitting beside you, and everyone was in a happy mood.

Dreams...what I can afford, dreams.

I'm losing hope, I'm losing strength.

...and I have yet to do anything about it!

I don't know, but one thing about me, I am scared of losing.

Especially losing something I really want.

In this case, I want you.

I want you to be mine.

But, alas. I know that you don't want to be mine.

I know that I'm not worth it.

Sad, eh?

Later,
AY_Natasha.

Would You?

Dear Missy Natasha,

I want to be like you.

I want to be successful in whatever endeavour I go for.

I want to be a good Muslim.

Can you teach me how to be a devout Muslim?

At least teach me how to pray 5 times a day?

Ashamed?

Yes I am.

But why should I be ashamed when I'm seeking knowledge to be a better Muslim?

I hope you will not decline my request.

I hope you will assist me, and teach me to your best abilities for me to be a devout Muslim.

Only then, will you see, that I am willing to lose my pride to you, by asking you with this.

Only then, will you trust me, as a man capable enough to be your only man.

Later,
AY_Natasha.

Now I Understand How You Felt

Dear Missy Natasha,

Now I can see clearly.

Now I can see, just how lowly I am, compared to you.

Now I can understand, how heartbroken you were years ago.

Am I too late? Perhaps so.

Why did I woke up too late? I don't have the answer to that question.

Have I changed? Yes, I do have the answer for this question.

Slowly, revolutionizing myself to be better in every way.

Spiritually, mentally, physically, wholly.

It'll take some time, but I've already started to take the steps towards the end of the tunnel.

Whre the light is shining brightly.

Baby steps, some people call it.

But I'm moving on.

Sadly, I always think of the worst in anything that I venture into.

This attitude of mine will always conjure up the images and thoughts, that scares me the most.

Because of that, I am now scared.

My fingers are shaking.

My heart is beating erratically.

My stomach feels uneasy.

My eyes can't see clearly.

I fear rejection.

Yet, I'm trying to entreat the strength to face you.

To try to win you over again, and .....

Hoping to God it'll be the last, and it'll be something that I can be proud of for the rest of my life.

Something that I can tell to the kids how I ferociously fought to win you again.

Later,
AY_Natasha.

Sad, Truly Sad

Dear Missy Natasha,

Looks like someone else beat me to it.

Well, he is in the same profession as you, so I suppose there is a similarity between the two of you.

I feel so sad.

I feel so heartbroken.

I feel so stupid.

I let my devilish desires wrestle my love for you away previously.

Now, I am paying it back, all of it.

Jealous? Yes, I am jealous, vehemontly jealous.

I am a changed man, believe me.

I've learned quite some time ago, that me, being me, will only invite ferocious beasts in me to engulf myself.

Now, I'm slowly eliminating those beasts, and encouraging the better side of me to emerge.

I should get closer to God, and then, only then, will God brighten the way for me to win you over, perhaps?

I really want you, I really do.

Knowing that now you've become a better person, becoming a devout Muslim, carving a great career ahead, makes me wanting you even more.

But I'm not as good as you are.

I'm such a dog.

I'm not a devout Muslim.

Career?

What career do I have other than being a lowly customer service guy?

God! Thinking about all this shows that I am at the bottom of the ladder.

Proves that I am a nothing more than a street mutt.

Ha! A street mutt wanting a lovely princess of the skies?

I'm so sorry, forgive me, forgive this post.

For I always try to accept that I can never achieve what I want in life, but still wants it, all of it.

Later,
AY_Natasha.

Oh No!!!!!

Dear Missy Natasha,

I saw a pic of you with another guy sitting beside you. The picture was taken recently, less than a month ago.

To be frank, I was a little taken aback. I'm stammering a bit as I'm typing this.

But I really do want you.

I really do love you. All this while.

You gave me a chance, and I blew it.

But I promise you, I will not let you slip away again.

Please?

Later,
AY_Natasha.

Wrong Day Indeed!

Dear Missy Natasha,

I woke up around 10.30 a.m today, quite a feat since it's been a while I managed to wake up that early! After meeting my friend to pickup some cash at Damansara Uptown, I drove straight on to Shah Alam.

I arrived at the PKNS building, around 12.30 - 12.45pm. Went for a walk to SACC Mall, to check out prices of vegetables and chicken meat at the Cold Storage outlet there. Afterwards, walked back to the PKNS building and went around to see if there are any florists around. There were 2 - 3 of them, all on the lower ground. But it seems that all of them are only manned by one person!

Now that might be a small problem for me!

Afterwards, called your office. I forgot that you'll be having your graduation! The person who picked out the call informed me that you'll be away for today [ Tuesday ] and tomorrow. Looks like I can only do it this coming Thursday then.

Would you believe it that my heart was thumpign erratically throughout the whole time I was around the PKNS building? Even now my tummy fells funny whilst I'm typing this.

But again, I'm about 99% sure that either you will shrug me off, or worse, tell me you already have someone else. I would find it hard to believe, for a person like you, to be single for long.

Later,
AY_Natasha.